Tag Archives: ironic yolo

Parking Whores. Oops! I Meant Wars.

Continued from A Spot in the Park:

I go outside and step onto my porch. I politely greet her and then it hits me. A hailstorm of attitude like none I’ve ever experienced, and I’ve worked in customer service!

“Hi. Can I just ask for a small favor?” I ask. She replies with a dumbfounded stare. Maybe I wasn’t speaking loud enough. Or maybe my Eastern accent has her thrown off guard.

“Could you just move your car back a little bit,” I continue. “I have two small kids, and with the snow it was just hard to take them out this weekend.”

park

My guess is no.

“There’s a driveway there. I can’t back up.” Now it’s my turn in the dumbfounded staring contest. I guess she really didn’t understand that she could park behind the driveway. I pointed out that the house next to me is vacant, and she wouldn’t be in anyone’s way if she parked there, just a few feet behind where she currently parked. She continued staring at me. Nothing was getting through whatever is behind those dumbfounded eyes, so I thanked her, and retreated to my porch.

I heard her mumble something under her breath, so I turned back around. “I’m sorry, I thought we were done,” I said. “Apparently, you have more to say?” I caught her off guard. “I was on the porch and didn’t hear you. What did you say?”

“I said it’s public parking.” She mumbled.

“Really? This is how you want to start out as neighbors?”

“I’m the biggest bitch you’ll ever meet,” she yells. Because that’s an appropriate response when someone asks you to move your car.

Knowing that my daughter was at the door, and everything I do sets an example for her, I quieted the voice in my head telling me to punch the lady in the face.

“Just a fair warning,” I told her, “I’m the nice one of this house. You’re just lucky my husband wasn’t here.” Anyone who knows us will verify the accuracy of that statement.

So she gets in her car, I go in my house, and life goes on. Since that moment, we haven’t had any contact with each other. However, I have noticed that she refuses to park in front of her own house, which makes me wonder if there’s some kind of invisible parking barrier there.  When she attempts to pull forward, the little Neon bounces back. I’d walk over there to inspect it, but there’s only one thing stopping me…

…to be continued…(again)…

*check me out at nicholekanney.com and on Facebook: www.facebook.com/nicholekanney Twitter: https://twitter.com/NicholeKanney

Extra Securi-Tea

You always hear about people who can’t function until they’ve had their morning coffee. I’m one of them. I don’t take the extreme of “don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee”, but I need at least a sip before I can process anything major. As a mom, I’m pretty used to drinking a majority of my coffee cold, and not on purpose. It seems like as soon as I sit down to enjoy that first cup, someone yells to get out of their crib.

Regardless of all the coffee interference I experience in the morning, I’m still pretty serious about my coffee. Most avid coffee drinkers are. But what about tea? You never really hear anyone say “YouLipton Tea don’t want to be around me until I’ve had my tea.” There are no Garfield cartoons depicting him with a cup of tea and a disdain for mornings, likewise there are no internet memes about needing tea.

Coffee drinkers are always depicted as more violent and disturbed, should you take away their coffee. Tea drinkers seem more relaxed, calm, and much more willing to talk things out over a nice hot beverage.

We’ve been drinking a lot more tea in my house lately, mostly thanks to some head congestion and sore throats, and I had to purchase a new box the other day. Nothing fancy, just plain old Lipton regular tea.

s what I thought. Upon further inspection, I realized that this box of Lipton tea came with a unique new feature that could only be indicative of the secret subculture of tea drinkers.

 

 

Tea Lockbox

Yes that’s right. This tea comes with a secure lockbox. For securing your tea. In case it wasn’t secure.

I feel an overwhelming amount of security knowing that should someone break into my house, my tea is safely stored in a lockbox. Take my TV, jewelry, money, but don’t you dare touch my tea.

Obviously Lipton had to get feedback from their customers regarding this need for more tea security. This leads me to conclude that tea drinkers are not as sane as we might have previously regarded them. I may be a bit cranky without my coffee, but I’m not the least bit concerned about the safety and protection of my hot beverage of choice.

 

Like this post? Please leave me a comment and visit my website at www.nicholekanney.com

A “Load”-ed Question

I’ve been doing laundry for a lot of years. I really don’t find it to be a big deal.  Believe it or not, despite my OCD issues, I don’t do any kind of sorting. Everything just goes in the machine until it’s full and then I throw in some detergent, wash it on cold and call it a day.

My current washing machine was purchased for $50 in 2007 when Wally worked for Lowe’s. It still works great and has traveled through more states then some people ever will. It’s a trusty little thing, and hopefully (knock on this cheap Asian material my desk is made out of) it will last a little longer.

In our new house, it hasn’t been relegated to the basement, or stuck in some dingy corner of the house that no one wants to go in. It’s in a cute little laundry nook off the kitchen. Since she ran out of space on the fridge, Rory likes to decorate it with magnets. It’s just another part of the décor.

Usually, I never have to adjust the “Load Size” dial. I’ve actually never thought about it much.  The laundry basket is pretty much a “large load” and when it’s full I do laundry. The machine has load size setting that range from small to super.

It wasn’t until the other day, after washing a few of the couch pillows and something of Kendrick’s that I really had to adjust the setting. I filled the basin and threw in my detergent and as my hand began to turn the dial from “small”, I panicked.

I was pretty sure the amount of clothing I had in there constituted a large load. But then I noticed all these little lines between the size options. That’s right, there’s not just small, medium, large, extra-large, and super. There’s large, line line line line line, extra-large, line line line line line. You see where this is headed. Like a speedometer, there are individual gauges between the base settings.

load size

When exactly do you decide that it may be a hair above large? I mean even somewhere between large and extra-large is plausible, but two notches under that? I mean, if I add a sock do I turn the dial to the next line? How many lines do I add for a shirt?

I wasn’t feeling confident in my decision of just plain “Large” anymore. It was like I had just discovered a whole new world of possibilities. My goal is to get just to the line before “super”. I’m not sure I want to pass into the world of Super Laundry. I feel like that’s when Rainbows, and unicorns and bubbles start spewing from the machine and out pops that “Big Gay Al” character from South Park. “Super, thanks for askin’.”

I clicked the dial to what appeared to me to be a notch and a half above “large”. Better over-estimate right? What was that question that owl always asked?

How many socks does it take to get to the center of the next line? The world may never know.