Tag Archives: comedy

Scent of a Woman…With a New Dishwasher

Like most people, I prefer eating off of clean dishes. When we moved to our new home, which was equipped with a dishwasher, I was overjoyed. While slightly saddened by the fact that we would no longer compete for the title of “Best Dish Stacker”, (you know, where you stack the most dishes in the sink, or in the dish board), I was happy to not have to get my hands truly dirty.

Since I am allergic to one of the best grease fighting detergents on the market, we always had to settle for the next step down when it came to dish detergent. It’s a good thing there were never any oil slicked ducks roaming around my kitchen, because they’d be screwed.

Being a new dishwasher owner, I stared at the shelf containing the large variety of detergents available on the market. From pacs, to gels, to powder, packages were labeled with words like “Platinum”, and “Ultimate”. I started buying in, thinking to myself: “I want my dishes clean. Like ultimately clean. Like platinumly clean.”

But clean is clean. Right? Apparently not. Sure you can go with the “Original” formula, but then you’d risk your dishes just being clean. Aren’t your dishes worth more than that? I decided mine were, and definitely opted for the dishwasher deluxe spa package.

Then something else caught my eye. There were SCENTS! Suddenly, I went from standing in the cleaning aisle at Kroger to the middle of a Bath and Body Works shop where your nose is so overwhelmed you have to buy one of everything.

As I started determining if I wanted Lavender Harvest, or Fresh Lemon Grove, (ooo, this one comes in Ocean Breeze), it suddenly occurred to me that not only would this scent only be emitted within the confines of my dishwasher, but that there’s truly no need for fragrance on my dishes.

I’ve never seen anyone smell a plate BEFORE putting food on it. Have you? Leave me a comment and let me know!dishwasher

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The Cupcake that Confused the Clerk

I didn’t expect to find it at the local Kroger, but there it was. A delectable chocolate confection wrapped in a cozy paper liner and topped with mint frosting. A half of a cookie was inserted into the top of the swirled green sweetness. It wasn’t typical supermarket cupcakery. I had to have it.

The bakery clerk packaged it up perfectly and I placed it in my cart. Throughout the rest of my shopping trip, I stared at the magnificence, eagerly awaiting the moment when I could surprise Rory with it.

Finally arriving at the checkout lane, I placed all my items onto the belt and smiled politely at the cashier. He was a young male, probably no more than sixteen, and he conversed with the similarly aged bagging clerk.

When the cupcake made it to the end of the belt, he picked it up and put it near the UPC scanner. “Wow, this looks awesome.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” I replied.

“I wouldn’t pay $1.20 for one cupcake though.”

For those of us in who partake in the gourmet cupcake subculture, we know a dollar twenty isn’t super expensive. “You have to treat yourself sometimes, though. Right?” I smiled as he stared at the cupcake.

Do I offer to buy him one? The amount of time between the cupcake reaching the end of the belt to it being placed in the bagging area became awkwardly long. I was starting to get uncomfortable.

“What do you want me to do with this?” he asked.

His question stunned me. I hadn’t considered any possibilities other than putting it in a bag. I felt like he was putting me on the spot, and my mind started racing. “I think I want you to put it in a bag.”

He stared at me.

“By itself?”

Another impossible question. I felt my palms get sweaty and my chest get heavy. How can I pass this test? If I answer incorrectly, do I lose cupcake buying privileges at Kroger? The cupcakes at Marsh paled in comparison. I couldn’t rely on just them to satisfy my sweet tooth. “Sure.” I tried to answer nonchalantly. I didn’t want him to see my lack of confidence in my answer.

He handed it to the other clerk who grabbed a separate plastic bag and put the cupcake in it. Alone.

Had I passed? I don’t know, because I’ve been afraid to buy another cupcake since then. Wonder what they’d do if I bought a whole cake?